Competence Breeds Confidence

Competence Breeds Confidence

I’m going to let you in on a secret.

Depending on the circumstances of us meeting, if we’ve met, there will be two dramatically different responses to this revelation.  Very opposing responses.

If we were introduced socially, you’re already in on the secret.  If someone were to ask you “did you know this about her” your reply would be “isn’t it obvious, everyone knows that about her”.

Suppose our meeting happened in a professional setting.  Revealing this truth about myself would receive a much different reaction.  “No way”.  “It’s not possible”.  “Not her”.

Here’s the secret

I am not just a little bit shy.  I am deathly shy.  My preferred role in a social setting; wall flower.  The thought of having to introduce myself to total strangers and be able to make small talk with them gives me the same pit in my stomach as having just ate some bad sushi.  I can’t do it.  I won’t do it.  I remember being on a bus trip and someone yelled out “why don’t you ever talk”?  My valiant hero responded “she never talks”.  Shy.  So shy.  Paralyzed with fear.

In a professional setting a totally different persona comes to life.  A hostess with the mostest,  A larger than life very social figure.  Someone who is outgoing, approachable, even . . .  LOUD.  Put her on a stage and let her speak to the room and she shines. Who is this person?  Where does she come from?

It wasn’t always this way.  I remember early on in my career I would have to do morning sales meetings.  As I began to speak I would feel it.  The burning red creep.  It would start on my chest and the warm burning sensation would climb.  I would think “don’t be visible, don’t be visible” as I felt it creep up to my neck.  “Don’t be visible”, now my ears are on fire. “Don’t be visible”, my cheeks are certainly crimson with the burn.  The horror.  Complete terror.

What is different now?  Competence.  Studying your craft, becoming an expert and doing something over and over again until you build competence.  Action builds competence.  Competence then breeds confidence.  Look at the athletes about to take part in the 2018 Winter Olympics.  As they are about to begin their event they radiate confidence.  It wasn’t always there.  There was fear.  Confidence came with repeated practice of their sport making them competent.

There are two reasons I decided to share my secret with you.  First, you may be holding yourself back because, like most people, you have a fear of speaking.  This can be conquered.  Be a subject matter expert and keep throwing yourself into situations where you have to give presentations.  Eventually, it will get easier and even become enjoyable.  Second, as you’re working on yourself at the onset of the new year you may have some limiting beliefs about your abilities that are preventing you from setting certain goals.  I can’t possibly give a presentation, don’t you know that I’m shy?  Maybe it’s not speaking, perhaps it’s writing.  Maybe it’s exercise.  Just start doing it.  Action builds competence and competence breeds confidence.  You can do this.

What’s on My Reading List; Executive Presence

The concept of “executive presence” is a fantastic one. When providing feedback to others the term can be used as a reference to remove any personal context and ease the conversation.  Leaders can work towards creating a vision of executive presence for their organization to provide guidance for those growing within the organization.

This book provided many examples of do’s and don’ts and I will use the term to coach employees who are missing the mark and holding themselves back; however I cannot recommend reading it.

Executive Presence: What Nobody Ever Tells You about Getting AheadExecutive Presence: What Nobody Ever Tells You about Getting Ahead by Sylvia Ann Hewlett
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Perhaps this would make a good article, but it is very drawn out and boring as a book.

There isn’t new information here – look your best, be your best, and speak your best.

This book agitated me for these 4 reasons:
1) Using Angelina Jolie as a positive example for anything
2) Endorsing plastic surgery
3) Recommending heavy make-up
4) Overuse of the word gravitas and the phrase “show your teeth”

View all my reviews

Everybody Wants to be Somebody

This post is for everyone out there who sends communications to people . . .Everybody wants to be somebody. 
 
In today’s environment of mass media marketing it’s nice when someone actually knows us. 
 
My husband’s name is Chris. 
It is not Christopher
or Christian,
just Chris. 
 
It is a family joke when a phone or mail
solicitation is addressed to Christopher.  The biggest laugh we had over this was when a women’s clothier he purchased gifts from added him to their mailing list as Christina.  Really?

 
How we are addressed allows us to instantly recognize if this person is in our inner circle – we will take the time to hear what you have to say – or not – you obviously don’t know me so I’m hanging up or deleting this email.
 
I just couldn’t resist . . .
  
 
In person I am just as picky.  Please no “Ma’am” or “folks” or “hi guys”.  Definitely no “kiddo”.  I realize that you probably don’t know my name (except with the people who use kiddo).  How about just “hello”. 
 
Do you have any pet peeves about how you are addressed?  Comment below.

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